Relationships Advice
Understanding Interpersonal Relationships
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Relationship MythsMany studies and surveys of psychologists have revealed that many people have some very common misconceptions about relationships and how to form a better relationship. It is interesting to note how commonly these same misconceptions appeared in people from all over the US, from different climates, from different geographies, and from different social stratas. Let's see what these myths are and talk about each one briefly. Myth #1: I am required to love everything about my spouse. Absolutely untrue. People are different, and there are very few couples on the planet where each one loves "everything" about the other. For couple that claim that is true, I submit that neither of them would pass a polygraph test. There are going to be some things about your partner you do not love, or even like. This is normal, and is what makes us individual people and unique. This only becomes an issue when there are things about your partner that not only you do not love, but further, cannot live with those attributes. Myth #2: Love means I can fix my partner. When you first met your spouse, there was something about them that turned your eye, that turned you on, and gave you that sparkle in your eye and butterflies in your stomach. Think back on what qualities those were at that time, and if you look closely, you will likely find that those same qualities are still there. But if there is something about your spouse or potential spouse that you just cannot stand, be aware that love cannot fix everything. If that habit or characteristic is there today, chances are excellent that it will also be there tomorrow. Keep in mind that what you do NOT want is a clone of yourself, because in reality, you are not perfect either. Myth #3: I need to give up thing I enjoy so I can have a better relationship. Nothing could be further from the truth. (Well, depending of course on what you enjoy!) Your spouse wants you to be happy and you want your spouse to be happy. If you enjoy going jogging at 5am every morning, your spouse should not require you to give that up. On the other hand, if you enjoy getting rip-roaring drunk every Friday night, you might want to engage a reality check on how much you really enjoy self-destructive behavior, and giving up self-destructive behavior WILL better your relationship. There is no requirement for you to give up the uniqueness that makes you, you. Myth #4: My knight/princess in shining armor will rescue me Where does this play into a relationship? It does not. A relationship is a two way street. You each "rescue" the other in time of need, but neither of you should need "rescuing" on a consistent basis. If you are expecting the red carpet to be laid every time you enter the room, you are living on a ONE way street, not a two way street, and your relationship will be compromised. Myth #5: It is expensive to be in a relationship What planet do you live on? If the cost of one person alone is $x and the cost of another person living alone is $y, the sum total of them living together is very likely less than $x plus $y. In terms of just being in a relationship and looking at the expense part of it, what do you want? It would be extremely cheap to be a hermit and live on a mountaintop with cows and goats too, but is that going to make ou happy? The bottom line here is that a relationship is not required to be expensive. Your partner should be able to enjoy the simple things that you enjoy in order to strengthen and deepen your relationship. Instead of going to the movie theatre, just stay home, cuddle up and watch a pay-per-view movie. Instead of going out to a nightclub, how about a quiet walk in the park or on the beach while you are holding holds and talking? In the end, it is probably more expensive to NOT have a good relationship. Myth #6: I should not have to work at the relationship Again, what planet did you say you were from? Anything worth having is worth putting time and effort into it to make it as good as it can be. If you want a golf course quality lawn, it takes time and effort to weed it, fertilize it and keep it trimmed. If you want to be a concert pianist, you need to practice extensively to learn the notes, learn the chords, learn the techniques for trill and glissando. And if you want a strong and meaningful relationship, it does not appear automatically from the genie bottle. Rather, it takes time and effort from both partners. And that should not be considered "effort" as much as wanting to please your partner. Even little things help, like occasional flowers, perhaps bringing a cold soda to your spouse in the evening after a long day. A good relationship takes time, effort, and desire to create that relationship and make it stronger. When you buy a rose at the florist and bring it home and put it in a vase of water, it looks like a picture of perfection. But if you then IGNORE that rose for weeks on end, that rose will perish. A good relationship takes effort and action, but like anything else, neglect will kill it. Humanity Love Relationships Key To Building Customer Relationships Teen Relationships Abusive Relationships Relationships And Control Issues Relationship Breakdowns Relationships Men Vs Women
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