Relationships Advice
Understanding Interpersonal Relationships
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Abusive RelationshipsStudies have shown that for many people in an abusive relationship, the party being abused is not even aware of the abuse. Rather, they think that they are a bad person, that for some unknown reason they deserve to be abused, and even stranger, that this kind of relationship is "normal" and it happens to everyone. Is that ridiculous or what? But studies have shown this to be actual fact. One of the many problems with this mindset, outside of being totally inaccurate, is that the side effect is that the person being abused starts to lose self respect, loses significant amounts of self esteem, and generally starts to withdraw from the world. Such a person then faces the compounded problem that having a relationship with virtually anyone is next to impossible. Since the relationship with their spouse or significant other is abusive, they cannot feel comfortable having any type of meaningful or strong relationship with friends or co-workers. Abuse falls into many categories. Physical abuse is the worst, and thankfully is the least frequent, or at least is the least frequently reported by authorities and counselors. The reason for that is because physical abuse is something that the local police can address. But strange as it may sound, many women do not report physical abuse from their husbands because they fear retribution from their husband after he spends a day or two in jail, and again, studies have shown that such a fear has a basis in fact. Much more common are relationships, usually husband and wife, where the abusiveness is not physical but is emotional, mental, or verbal. It is not illegal, so calling the authorities is simply an exercise in futility, while also serving to further anger the abuser to become even more abusive. Sorry guys, but the vast majority of the time, it is the husband abusing the wife instead of the other way around, although there are a surprising number of cases where the wife is abusing the husband. Why the person being abused puts up with this results in a virtual smorgasbord of logical reasons. Sometimes the wife feels that if she just takes the abuse, then the husband will "get it off his chest" and things will be better. Sometimes the wife will take the abuse, rather than risk the children seeing the abuse or even being the recipients of such abuse. Still other times, the abuse is tolerated because the wife feels she has no other choice in the matter in terms of her ability, or rather inability, to move out and still be able to financially make ends meet, especially if such a move would involve taking the kids with her. One of the hardest ones to define is when the abuser is like a Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. The one being abused does not know from one day to the next, or even from one minute to the next if they will be in a relationship with Dr Jekyll or whether at this moment in time it will be Mr Hyde. In cases like this, the abused (typically the wife) will make excuses for her husband, and keep thinking that at some point he will grow out of this phase and things will be like they were when they first got married. Although that could happen, many women go for years and even decades with that thought, only to discover at the end of their life that it never happened that way. Are there excuses to be abusive in a relationship, especially a relationship between husband and wife? Perhaps but not many. Why does it happen? Maybe the abuser is unhappy with their job, unhappy with their life, or unhappy about a particular set of circumstances, upset that they don't have as much control of their life or their spouse that they feel they need to have. Sometimes the abuser will even turn to drugs or alcohol to try to put a band-aid on that wound of their life. But what the abuser does not realize is that the abuse, the excuses, the unhappiness, the drugs or alcohol, none of those things will have any effect on the root problem -- which is the inability to have an effective, strong, and meaningful relationship, which applies not only to their spouse, but to friends and co-workers also. It is highly unlikely that a person who is a consistent abuser will "snap out of it" of their own accord. The good news is that there are professional counselors who can help and have been professionally trained to work with this kind of person. The hardest part is getting the abusive person to understand and accept the fact that they need this type of professional help, and then follow through to receive that help. The fact is, people like to protect their loved ones, and so they will often deny it to themselves when an abusive relationship is taking place. The victim might even opt to blame him or herself, rather than facing the fact that their partner is treating them in a way that they should not. It is easy to see why someone would cover up their own abusive relationship in order to protect the romantic involvement that they have going on with the person, but it is important that they break the cycle. If they do not, the abuse will continue indefinitely, and they will suffer needlessly, along with their friends, relatives, children, and anyone else who cares about them. The fact is that you have to fact the music sooner or later, and you might as well do it sooner so as to break the cycle of abuse. An abusive relationship does not consist solely of someone making threats, nasty comments, or hitting you, although all of these things can be part of these relationships. A lot of what makes abusive relationships abusive has to do with the way the abuser views the victim. If he, for example, watches her every move and tries to stop her from being with her friends, either with threats or with emotional manipulation, he is an abuser. Abuse is not really about hurting the other person so much as it is about finding ways to control or manipulate them. The real cause of an abusive relationship is the desire of one partner to control the other, and be in charge of everything he or she does. If one person feels this way about the other, there is simply no way for them to have a healthy life together. Humanity Love Relationships Key To Building Customer Relationships Teen Relationships Relationships And Control Issues Relationship Breakdowns Relationships Men Vs Women Relationship Myths
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